When I lived in Hermosillo, Sonora, Mexico, I got involved with the feminist community there. They had nothing to do with the definition of feminism in this essay. They were amazing. I should have stayed longer than a year.
Ooooooo -- that makes my heart so happy! I look forward to feminism evolving toward the version that you found there. Thank you so much for reading (or listening) Moorea! 💕
This is beautiful! Congrats on finding what happiness really means to you. I've also noticed, as I get older, that so much of what I was taught when I was younger was nonsense. The world according to someone who wanted it to look differently, but that didn't actually make it real.
The truth, surprisingly, is much more straightforward and intuitive, I've found... Once you dig it up!
The first feminism I encountered was the "hippie feminism" of the 1970s, when I was an undergraduate. I wrote a long comment on Mark Atwood's post "A Conformity Project Wearing an Individualist Costume"* (which is all about how the form of feminism you describe became dominant to the point where it's what most people mean when they say "feminism") describing the differences and noting how some elements of that older feminism have been picked up by trad Christians looking to break away from the increasingly Christianity-unfriendly mainstream.
I embraced that earlier feminism in reaction against my mother's life. She was born before women had the right to vote and would have seen herself less as a feminist than as simply a struggling single mother betrayed by the man she trusted, but your description of your younger self rings true here: the belief that she had to do it all herself, the inability to receive, the short temper when she was overburdened as a result of her own choices, the regular church attendance that didn't seem to carry over into any signs of personal spirituality. These days I thing it's less important what labels you wear, whether political or spiritual, than whether you do the inner work necessary to heal.
This is so interesting >>noting how some elements of that older feminism have been picked up by trad Christians looking to break away from the increasingly Christianity-unfriendly mainstream. I've noticed this myself but havent seen others discussing it.
This is so real >>whether you do the inner work. It's all that matters actually. Thank you for sharing the link. I'll check it out :-)
A very close parallel has been discussed in our home over the past couple years - and the profound insights from my now 20yr-old son both bring me to tears and fill my heart with joy.
So much of what you wrote - especially around not being able to receive - resonated deeply. I, too, abandoned something essential in myself somewhere between my teens and early 20s...falling in line with the indoctrinated need be to “successful” in all things. I became the one who could do and carry it all. And like you described, there was no version of “enough” that ever brought peace - only deeper depletion.
It took a tsunami of betrayals and the type of revelations that are disorienting to the point of questioning the existence of gravity to walk away from the identity I had constructed over decades. It forced me into what I’ve come to think of as an “elimination diet” for my life - stripping everything back to a blank slate, and then slowly, intentionally reintroducing only what aligned with my core values. The hardest part wasn’t letting things go - it was learning to receive. From others. From life itself.
& your awareness of the “messy middle” drew a knowing nod from my heart. I have developed a close relationship with that state of being because I believe that it's in the “in betweens” that we are moving through a time of transformative awareness…and it’s something to embrace because it will likely become a friend that returns when life has more to show you.
Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for giving me something to reflect on over coffee. I just sent the link to my son and partner... 💗
Oh Kalli! What a powerful story and beautiful description >>. "It took a tsunami of betrayals and the type of revelations that are disorienting to the point of questioning the existence of gravity to walk away from the identity I had constructed over decades." I think this is what it takes for anyone to 'wake up.' You are such a beautiful writer and have an incredible journey to share. Thank you for sharing it here!
Note to Substack overlords: I'm gonna need a stronger emoji than the heart for this one.
🥰 🥰 🥰
You're a really good writer and speaker.
When I lived in Hermosillo, Sonora, Mexico, I got involved with the feminist community there. They had nothing to do with the definition of feminism in this essay. They were amazing. I should have stayed longer than a year.
Ooooooo -- that makes my heart so happy! I look forward to feminism evolving toward the version that you found there. Thank you so much for reading (or listening) Moorea! 💕
I’m so glad to know you are beginning to open up to the gift of receiving; first from God, and then from others that He has gifted you with. 🥰
Thank you for being a part of my story Jill! 🥰
This is beautiful! Congrats on finding what happiness really means to you. I've also noticed, as I get older, that so much of what I was taught when I was younger was nonsense. The world according to someone who wanted it to look differently, but that didn't actually make it real.
The truth, surprisingly, is much more straightforward and intuitive, I've found... Once you dig it up!
Thank you! We have to make room to support and be supportive. Being human isn't as easy as it seems!
The first feminism I encountered was the "hippie feminism" of the 1970s, when I was an undergraduate. I wrote a long comment on Mark Atwood's post "A Conformity Project Wearing an Individualist Costume"* (which is all about how the form of feminism you describe became dominant to the point where it's what most people mean when they say "feminism") describing the differences and noting how some elements of that older feminism have been picked up by trad Christians looking to break away from the increasingly Christianity-unfriendly mainstream.
I embraced that earlier feminism in reaction against my mother's life. She was born before women had the right to vote and would have seen herself less as a feminist than as simply a struggling single mother betrayed by the man she trusted, but your description of your younger self rings true here: the belief that she had to do it all herself, the inability to receive, the short temper when she was overburdened as a result of her own choices, the regular church attendance that didn't seem to carry over into any signs of personal spirituality. These days I thing it's less important what labels you wear, whether political or spiritual, than whether you do the inner work necessary to heal.
*https://substack.com/inbox/post/194336848
This is so interesting >>noting how some elements of that older feminism have been picked up by trad Christians looking to break away from the increasingly Christianity-unfriendly mainstream. I've noticed this myself but havent seen others discussing it.
This is so real >>whether you do the inner work. It's all that matters actually. Thank you for sharing the link. I'll check it out :-)
Brava, Tiffany!
A very close parallel has been discussed in our home over the past couple years - and the profound insights from my now 20yr-old son both bring me to tears and fill my heart with joy.
So much of what you wrote - especially around not being able to receive - resonated deeply. I, too, abandoned something essential in myself somewhere between my teens and early 20s...falling in line with the indoctrinated need be to “successful” in all things. I became the one who could do and carry it all. And like you described, there was no version of “enough” that ever brought peace - only deeper depletion.
It took a tsunami of betrayals and the type of revelations that are disorienting to the point of questioning the existence of gravity to walk away from the identity I had constructed over decades. It forced me into what I’ve come to think of as an “elimination diet” for my life - stripping everything back to a blank slate, and then slowly, intentionally reintroducing only what aligned with my core values. The hardest part wasn’t letting things go - it was learning to receive. From others. From life itself.
& your awareness of the “messy middle” drew a knowing nod from my heart. I have developed a close relationship with that state of being because I believe that it's in the “in betweens” that we are moving through a time of transformative awareness…and it’s something to embrace because it will likely become a friend that returns when life has more to show you.
Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for giving me something to reflect on over coffee. I just sent the link to my son and partner... 💗
Oh Kalli! What a powerful story and beautiful description >>. "It took a tsunami of betrayals and the type of revelations that are disorienting to the point of questioning the existence of gravity to walk away from the identity I had constructed over decades." I think this is what it takes for anyone to 'wake up.' You are such a beautiful writer and have an incredible journey to share. Thank you for sharing it here!
I’m so glad to know you are beginning to open up to the gift of receiving; first from God, and then from others that He has gifted you with. 🥰