When You Hit Rock Bottom, You Finally Have Solid Ground to Build On

Sometimes the people you love most teach you the hardest lessons about who you really are.

"How could YOU, of all people, allow women to bleed out in parking lots?"

I stared at the text message, standing in the research office wearing my favorite black scrubs. It was the morning after the election results came in and I'd expected some friction, but not this.

I responded honestly... "Um... I wouldn't. And I don’t"

I've worked in rural ERs for years. I've done pelvic procedures in hallways while literally screaming at the OB on call over speakerphone. When women came in bleeding after miscarriage (or mifepristone) complications, I’ve always done whatever it took to save them.

I've seen things that still wake me up at night. I’ve always done my best.

Apparently none of that mattered.

The questioning continued: "What if it were my daughter? Or yours?"

Again, I responded with honesty: "Well, actually it doesn’t matter if it was someone I hated, or if I'd go to jail or be hurt myself. I will always do whatever it takes to save a patient, but in fact, no one has ever asked me not to."

Because I supported the ‘wrong’ candidate, the ‘wrong’ health policy, the ‘wrong’ nominees for our health agencies- I was suddenly responsible for every nightmare scenario this person could dream up.

I didn't know it at the time, but I would later look back and realize this was my rock bottom.

---

I lost so many people that I dearly, dearly loved that day.

Everything changed. I went from being adored with daily contact to demonized and then dropped.

Years of nonstop work at the hospital, conducting research, giving interviews, writing, traveling, networking, fundraising, and playing the part of the "Party Girl with a Cause" had bought me no credibility in their eyes.

I'd thrown myself into every anti-establishment healthcare initiative I could find.

Speaking at conferences, founding and serving as executive director of a nonprofit, showing up at every industry event & socialite garden party where people preached about fighting corporate medicine and government overreach.

I thought I'd found my tribe. I thought we were building something real.

What I learned in November of 2024, was that I'd actually been just another useful idiot throwing away time and opportunities with both hands while chasing the approval of people who never actually gave a damn about my work.

And from this devastating place, my entire life changed forever in the best possible way.

"F*ck It, I'm Gonna Do What I Want"

When you have nothing to lose, there's everything to gain.

The downside is already there- you're living it.

The upside is unlimited territory. And it's a brutal but beautiful place to be.

We spend years looking for the right people to validate our dreams. What we actually need is for the fake people to reveal themselves so we can stop wasting time.

Rock bottom became my launching pad.

As the rejection sunk in, I hit the point of "f*ck it, I'm gonna do what I want."

It came because everywhere I looked, people were telling me to pick a side- not because the choice was actually between good and evil, but because daring to think independently was too scary for them.

I started saying ‘no’ to career opportunities in organizations that preached truth but practiced politics. ‘No’ to friendships with people who only wanted me around as long as I stayed ‘in line.’

Rock Bottom Removes Toxic Patterns From Your Life

I've always been an overthinker and an overplanner.

And I had been obsessed with finding the right mentors, the right network, the right cause.

When I thought I'd found my special flavor of anti-establishment healthcare rebels, I did everything to gain their approval.

I wanted them to see how "bought in" I was. I wanted them to be proud. I wanted to feel their love and approval.

And I was willing to sacrifice parts of my soul to get it.

I wanted someone to tell me I was fighting the good fight. I wanted to hear that I belonged somewhere important.

I thought I needed these people to bless my career and validate my existence.

I became addicted to "someday" thinking too.

Someday I'll expose corruption. Someday I'll find genuine people who care. Someday I'll stop being weak and feel safe enough to stand up and make a difference.

But it never happened… well, not yet.

When I realized so many of the people I had loved seemed to care more about the appearance of doing good than the actual doing of it, everything stopped.

I no longer needed or wanted their approval.

When I saw the game for what it was, I no longer felt compelled to play it.

Most of us never learn what we need to move forward because we are addicted to other people's validation.

It’s why we try to skip the struggle of standing alone.

But the struggle IS the path.

The ‘f*ck it’ mindset is about accepting that everything worth doing is going to be hard and lonely at first.

You have to stop looking for the perfect tribe. You have to stop drowning in other people's opinions.

You realize that you will never be able to make everyone proud, so you focus on how to make yourself proud.

James Clear nails it:

"You will love whatever you pour your heart into. Passion follows commitment."

So commit to your own values and see what happens.

It's incredible how much clarity comes when you stop asking for permission.

You don't know what you don't know until you're actually doing the work yourself.

And once I started doing that, I learned pretty quickly that action creates momentum and momentum creates insight.

If you're passionate about something but never act because you're waiting for the right people to care, it will burn you alive from the inside.

Most people are burning alive right now. They're waiting for approval they'll never get from people who don't even matter.

Here's what nobody tells you about losing everything: It's the most liberating experience you can have.

When the fake friends ghost you, when the organizations that claimed to value truth reveal they only value conformity, when you're standing alone with nothing but your principles- that's when you discover what you're actually made of.

Most people spend their whole lives avoiding this moment. They'll compromise anything to keep the illusion of belonging intact.

But belonging to the wrong tribe is worse than belonging to no tribe at all.

Compromising your values to fit in is hard. Being abandoned for thinking independently is hard.

And also...

Building something real is hard. Standing alone for your principles is hard.

Everything is hard.

So choose the version of hard that leads to a life you can actually respect.

The people who abandon you for thinking independently were never your people anyway.

The organizations that punish you for having principles were never worth your time.

Choose your hard, and choose wisely.

Until next time,

Tiffany

P.s. I send this email out weekly. If you would also like to receive it, join the other smart people who absolutely love it today.

👉 If you enjoyed reading this post, feel free to share this publication with friends. Or click the ❤️ button on this post so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏